BRR Blog – 1 July 2024
Colin Jones running his way to silver medal position at the SITC Summer Samosa Ultra. Cool dude!
Well, I have learned a valuable lesson (though I think I knew it already): guzzling the best part of a bottle of Prosecco the night before a race is NOT A GOOD IDEA. But the company at our BRR 40th anniversary drinks at the Acorn on Saturday afternoon/evening was so very convivial, and it was easy to get carried away. Thank you to Dennis for doing most of the organisation, including ensuring we were fed. We plan to have another celebration towards the autumn, combined with the ELVIS presentation night, which it is BRR’s turn to organise this year.
Some of the revellers at the Acorn on Saturday
We had a few – non-BRR - competition races to choose from on Sunday, with some of us running the Horndon on the Hill 10k, and others running the Sikhs in the City Summer Samosa races (various distances) – details in Greg’s race report, below. My performance might not have been on fire at Horndon but the local pub was, later in the afternoon. Visitors were asked to clear the area, though, fortunately, there seems to have been no casualties.
The fire at the Bell Inn, Horndon-on-the Hill. I think someone has overcooked the hog roast…
A reminder that the re-organised Summer Handicap 04 will be taking place in Barking Park on Thursday night. Don’t forget you will also need to vote!
In the meantime, Dee Spencer-Perkins has been chatting to our Hainault Forest-dwelling friend, Dottie Dear. It seems it is not just teddy bears you have to watch out for in the woods…
Dottie Dear’s almanac for June: Desperadoes
Looking back it was obvious, really. We should all have listened to Alison in the first place. She was the one who pointed out that the knitted hamsters who disappeared from the charity shop might not have been stolen, but might actually have made a break for it (BRR Blog, 3/6/24).
In the end it was Dottie who made the connection. Little by little, over the month of June, strange knitted items started appearing in the trees in Hainault Forest – some of them misshapen and full of holes, but others unmistakably recognisable as knitted Buffs. (For those of you who are not sure what these are, they are continuous wraps intended to be worn around the neck, or on the head to give extra warmth on chilly days.)
Other strange events included a run on the yarn stocks in Hobbycraft. Wool was being consumed in worryingly unusual amounts, and staff in the shop reported that customers had a strange, haunted look in their eyes as they stuffed their purchases into vast carrier bags.
Even more alarming was the fact that Mrs Slattersby, that no-nonsense and super-efficient doyenne of the Society of Woodland Foragers, had been discovered slumped against the wall of the village hall in a near cataleptic state, chanting knit one – purl one – knit two together in a mournfully distressing monotone.
In the end it was Squire Jonty of the Hainault Mummers who threw light on what was happening. He’d been jingling off through the Forest and heading towards the Two Brewers. It was after the weekly practice session with the Hainault Morris Side, and he was looking forward to a well-earned pint or several, when he came across three desperate-looking diminutive woolly creatures crouching on a low-hanging branch. One carried a giant strawberry, another a blueberry and the third wielded a vicious-looking carrot. His memory of it now is a bit vague as he is still suffering from PTSD as a result, but they were definitely hamster-like he remembered at the time, and he could recall their penetrating Svengali-like stares – hypnotic and sinister, like fathomless rock pools where you might sink to your doom he said (which was odd for Jonty as he wasn’t normally a man of poetry). He was then thrown into a trance in which he had a vision of some gigantic knitting needles, and several huge rolling balls of wool which threatened to knock him over (just like in Indiana Jones). After this came a weird compulsion – to grab hold of the needles and to start knitting, even though he wasn’t a crafter at all – and a squeaky voice started to sing: knit more buffs, more buffs, more buffs…… Spooky! He was in danger of completely succumbing to this when he was saved by Dottie and by two of his Morris crew, who were also on their way to the pub. Luckily, they had caught him in time.
After this, things escalated. The Elders of the Ancient Order of the Green Man started up Buff Watch, and Green Man TV began a daily broadcast in which the exponential rise in the numbers of buffs was duly charted. Even more worryingly, an Expert had been brought in who predicted that it was only a matter of time before things started to mutate: victims of the hamster stare might no longer just be condemned to eternal wrap-knitting, because the computer algorithm was now predicting that the malevolent little critters would soon start suggesting that people actually knit more hamsters. It could be a plague of classical proportions.
Guidelines were issued. People were instructed not to walk through the Forest on their own. Dark glasses were recommended as providing some protection from the Hamster Evil Eye, but everyone was advised to carry a spare paper bag to put over the head and block the deadly rays should they actually encounter the deceptively tiny beasts, who had been popping up all over the place with alarming and inexplicable agility.
There was a huge Forest Zoom conference, hastily called by Dottie as Mrs Slattersby was clearly going to be no use. There was no shortage of suggestions, some clearly dafter than others including unravelling the hamsters (but how to get near enough), writing to Keir Starmer (although he’s a hamster-lover, see BRR Blog, 24/6/24), and knitting a gigantic hamster wheel to lure them out of the trees (with a nice bit of 3-ply as bait) although this plan was a bit vague as to what to do once they were trapped.
In the end, a curious mutation did develop, but not what everyone had feared. After a recent encounter with the Hamsters, Merlin from the Mummers was found under a tree muttering Simulium Posticanum, Simulium Posticanum. A quick Google check revealed this to be the Latin name for the fearsome Blandford Fly, bane of runners and country-lovers everywhere. The BRR WhatsApp had recently carried a warning about these notorious biting insects, very kindly posted by Jason. Apparently, these varmints go for the ankles and lower legs and suck blood causing incredible itchiness and sometimes infection. Not very nice at all.
And so, paradoxically, this is how the Blandford Fly came to save the Forest from a dystopian future of catatonia and double-knitting wool because, as everyone knows, this biting insect is the only thing that knitted hamsters fear. The Blandford Fly is their Achilles Heel because it can bite through holes in clothing, and when you think about it knitted fabric is mainly tiny holes held together by wool.
As if by magic, within 48 hours the Hamsters had totally disappeared. Gradually, people began to venture along the Forest pathways again. They still wore their dark glasses and carried spare paper bags just in case – and they now had to remember to cover their ankles and legs, but this was nothing compared to Hamstergate. A few knitted buffs still hung tattily where they had been draped, but a Buff Patrol was gradually removing and destroying them safely; Mrs Slattersby was returning to her usual bossiness (to be honest, nobody had liked it when she was incoherent anyway), and Jonty had started to conquer his PTSD by telling the story of how he had encountered the three desperadoes on that misty night back in June (it got a bit more elaborate with every telling).
However, not wishing to trivialise the potential harm posed by the infamous Blandford Fly, Dottie’s advice this month is:
· cover your legs and ankles when running in the countryside;
· DON’T scratch if bitten;
· remember to use your insect repellent and post-bite creams….and
· seek medical help if necessary.
If you go down to the woods today…watch out for the desparadoes!
Cheats Don’t Prosper
Robert Quails, a 72-year-old Masters’ road runner and ecology professor from the University of Nevada, has been banned for three years after testing positive for multiple substances. Quails, voted USA Track and Field (USATF) Masters Road Runner of 2023, gave a urine sample at the USATF 5k Championship in February which was found to contain amphetamine, metabolites of nandrolone, and nor-steroids- steroids that have been synthetically altered at atomic level. He was originally banned for four years but received a one-year reduction for admitting wrongdoing. He had previously won six US Masters 5k titles, was the 70-plus 10k world champion, and held the US mile record for his age group with a time of 5 minutes 33 seconds. I expect some, if not all, of those performances will now be scrubbed from the record books. Perhaps he mistakenly thought that nobody would drugs-test a septuagenarian. It just goes to show that older doesn't necessarily mean wiser.
BRR Phipps 5K (August Bank Holiday) Race
Big thanks to Jess, who is doing sterling work as the Race Organiser/Director for the Phipps 5k, the BRR East London fiVes Interclub Series race taking place on Monday 26 August in Barking Park.
As always, we will need members to represent the Club in the race, and lots of members (and friends, family, neighbours, passing acquaintances) to help out on the day with a variety of tasks like on-the-day sign-ups, water station, marshals, tailwalker/runner, lead bike etc.
If you would like to run, remember to ask me for the 50% discount code for BRR MEMBERS’ ONLY.
Athletics in the News
It was the UK Athletics Championships and Olympic Trials 2024 over the weekend and there were more thrills and spills than an England football match. Despite the chilly weather in the Manchester Regional Arena there were some excellent performances, including Championship records broken. The track results were as follows:
Women's 100m hurdles results
Cindy Sember 12.85 🥇
Alicia Barrett 13.40 SB 🥈
Jessica Hunter 13.41 🥉
Women's 3,000m steeplechase results
Elizabeth Bird 9:29.67 CR 🥇
Elise Thorner 9:33.53 🥈
Stevie Lawrence 9:45.46 PB🥉
Women's 5,000m results
Hannah Nutall 15:13.70 🥇
Verity Ockenden 15:13.78 🥈
Isobel Fry 14:14.92 🥉
Women's 100m results
Daryll Neita 11.24 🥇
Amy Hunt 11.41 🥈
Imani Lansiquot 11.43 🥉
Men's 100m results
Louie Hinchliffe 10.18 🥇
Jeremiah Azu 10.25 🥈
CJ Ujah 10.37 🥉
Men's 3,000m steeplechase results
Phil Norman 8:18.65 🥇
Will Battershill 8:21.83 🥈
Zak Seddon 8:27.32 🥉
Women's long jump results
Jade O'Dowda 6.55 PB 🥇
Alice Hopkins 6.38 🥈
Molly Palmer 6.11 🥉
Men's 5,000m results
James West 13:43.62 🥇
Patrick Dever 13:44.58 🥈
Jack Rowe 13:46.60 🥉
Men's 110m hurdles results
Daniel Goriola 13.55 PB 🥇
Sam Bennett 13.56 🥈
David King 13.65 🥉
Women's 400m hurdles results
Lina Nielsen 54.81 SR 🥇
Jessie Knight 55.36 SB 🥈
Jessica Tappin 56.86 SB 🥉
Men's 400m hurdles results
Alastair Chalmers 48.54 CR 🥇
Alex Knibbs 49.37 PB 🥈
Efekemo Okoro 49.44 🥉
Men's 200m results
Matthew Hudson-Smith 20.34 PB 🥇
Nethaneel Mitchell-Blake 20.55 🥈
Michael Ohioze 20.68 🥉
Women's 200m results
Dina Asher-Smith 22.18 CR 🥇
Daryll Neita 22.46 SB 🥈
Amy Hunt 22.78 SB 🥉
Women's 400m results
Amber Anning 50.47 CR 🥇
Laviai Nielsen 50.92🥈
Yemi Mary John 51.23 SB 🥉
Women's 800m results
Phoebe Gill 1:58.66 🥇
Jemma Reekie 1:59.28 🥈
Erin Wallace 2:00.88 🥉
Men's 400m results
Charlie Dobson 44.56 SR 🥇
Ben Jefferies 45.63 PB 🥈
Alex Haydock-Wilson 45.92 🥉
Men's 800m results
Ben Pattison 1:45.49 🥇
Max Burgin 1:46.01 🥈
Finley McLear 1:46.33 🥉
Women's 1500m results
Georgia Bell 4:10.69 🥇
Laura Muir 4:11.59 🥈
Revee Walcott Nolan 4:11.70 🥉
Men's 1500m results
Neil Gourley 3:37.67 🥇
George Mills 3:38.29 🥈
Adam Fogg 3:39.17 🥉
(US) Athletics in the News
There was a surprise competitor in the US Olympics Trials in Eugene, Oregon, last week. Rapper Snoop Dogg stripped off a tracksuit in the colours of the American flag before taking part in a 200m exhibition race against two former top-class athletes. Unsurprisingly, Mr Dogg was roundly beaten by his rivals, but was still pleased with his finishing time, saying after the race “34.44 for a 52-year-old? Ain’t bad.”
It was all a bit of a publicity stunt for Snoop, who will be heading to the Paris Olympics as special correspondent for NBC’s primetime Games coverage. Sorry rap fans, no photo of Snoop; I expect Reuters would want to charge us a pretty penny for their photo of him kneeling next to the results board showing his finish time.
Coming soon: the Snoop Dogg 200m Time Trial at track!
Greg’s Race Report
Several Barking Road Runners took part in the Horndon on the Hill 10k.
This race is very popular and sells out very quickly despite this 3 BRR members managed to get entry. First BRR finisher was Ron Vialls who, despite have an injury to his ribs from a heavy fall earlier in the week, managed a creditable time of 59:19 followed by Alison Fryatt 1:06:31 and Rachel Sharples 1:17:35.
Ron and Alison at the Horndon on the Hill 10k
An Rachel and Alison at the Horndon on the Hill 10k
At the Sikhs in the City Summer Samosa run Colin Jones finished in 2nd place in the ultramarathon event completing 32 laps equating to almost 64k in a time of 6:21:55. James Hall did the Half Marathon, finishing in a time of 2:12:00, whilst Clodagh O’Callaghan, Tom Shorey and Jason Li ran in the 10k event.
Right to left, Jason, Tom S, Clodagh and James Hall at the SITC Summer Samosa race.
Completing the BRR activities for the week, Derv Bartlett ran the Jack Cox 10k race finishing in a time of 39:09.
Derv Bartlett at the Jack Cox 10k.
BRR parkrunners
Barking - Peter Jackson 20:23, Joshua Ezissi 24:19: Rosie Fforde 24:34, James Sheridan 25:49, Adrian Davison 26:08, Tom Shorey 27:43, Joyce Golder 28:53, Barry Rowell 28:59, Isabel Pinedo Borobio 29:29, Dennis Spencer Perkins 32:25, Andrew Hiller 34:42, Les Jay 36:12, Micky Ball 49:50, Alan Murphy 50:10 Rob Courtier 53:16 and Darren Graham 1:00:08.
Chelmsford Central – Gary Harford 29:28.
Chipping Norton school - Owen Wainhouse 21:34.
Gunpowder - Paul Ward 26:27.
Hampstead Heath - Rory Burr 26:20, Steve Colloff 33:54.
Rory and Steve at Hampstead Heath
Kingston - Mark New 23:41.
Mark New and friend at Kingston
Raphael - Doug King 26:31.
Valentines - Kevin Wotton 23:44 and Andrew Gwilliam 37:27.
Walthamstow - Jess Collett 22:20.
BRR highest gradings this week were Jess Collett 68.51% for the women and Owen Wainhouse 64.22% for the men.
BRR Diary – July
7.00pm, Tuesday 2 July – Speed Development Session. Jim Peter’s Stadium, Mayesbrook Park. You are going to love this week’s session (not):
· 5 x 3 minutes at 5K pace with 90 seconds rest, 6 x 90 seconds FAST with 60 seconds rest.
This session, as well as engaging and strengthening different muscle fibres, replicates race conditions, where you have to put on those final bursts of speed with already tired legs (you do do that, don’t you?)
7.00pm, Thursday 4 July – Summer Handicap 04. Barking Park. The reconvened race, after Ron’s unfortunate accident last week. Here’s hoping there are no football incidents this week.
7.30pm, Wednesday 10 July - Newman Hilly 5 (ELVIS 04). Hainault Forest, Foxburrow Road, off Romford Road, IG7 4QN. Organised by Ilford Athletics Club, a two-lap hilly course, one big lap followed by a slightly smaller lap around Hainault Forest. Enter at https://www.entrycentral.com/newmanhilly5
10.00am, Saturday 6 July. Orion Forest Five. Race HQ, Orion Harriers clubhouse at Jubilee Retreat, Bury Road, Chingford. NOT an ELVIS race, but a chance to practice the course for the ELVIS/Grand Prix race taking place in August. Enter at https://www.entrycentral.com/Orion_Forest_Five_Race_2
7.00pm, Thursday 11 July – Club Run. Jo Richardson School/Castle Green Centre, Gale Street, Dagenham. A road run of 5-6 miles.
7.00pm, Thursday 18 July – Summer Handicap 05. Barking Park.
7.30pm, Wednesday 31 July – Harold Wood 5k (ELVIS 5). Harold Wood Park, Harold View, Harold Wood, RM3 0LX The race is run on a one-lap multi-terrain course (some grass, some gravel paths, some tarmac) in and around Harold Wood Park and Pages Wood, Harold Wood. If the weather is dry, you should be OK with road shoes. Not suitable for spikes. Enter at https://events.kronosports.uk/event/323
Cracker Corner: The Tennis Edition
What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court? Annette
Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? To them, “Love” means nothing.
Tennis Tip of the Day: If you walk into a bar dressed as a tennis ball, you’ll be served right away.
Boom! Boom!
Quote of the week
“The hardest part is starting. Once you’re past that, the rest is easy.”
Anon
And finally…
I don’t know eggs-actly where this egg came from…
I’ve found a chicken’s egg buried in my back garden, and not for the first time. I can only think it is the squirrels that do it. What I don’t understand is where they get the eggs from or how they carry them into my garden. Wait a minute, that explains the squirrel I saw the other morning with a Tesco carrier bag…
Happy running!
Alison
Chair, Barking Road Runners
